Mangia, Karlina, mangia

I admit…I’m not the best eater, especially when I have to show up and make it myself. Cooking is a ritual. Is an act of love. Therefore, to take the time and make your own meals is an act of self-love, of self-worth.

Behind the mask of being too busy, not hungry, whatever, I do forget to eat sometimes. For years I struggled with my weight and even saw myself in the mirror bigger than I was… I still do. Last year I lost I don’t know how many pounds (a lot) which I’m so proud of. It was part of letting go of the excess in my life, of what doesn’t serve me. Like everything in life, it’s a process. It’s not always easy. 

I’m afraid to get chubby again. 

At the @festivaldecannes I saw the movie Club Zero by Jessica Hausner and it struck a cord. I’m not anorexic or anything, but I can see how easily it can happen. To believe that your worth is depended on how you look rather than who you are besides flesh and bones can take us to extreme measures. And yet, it is a thing. After watching the film, I went back to the beautiful flat that was my home for that week in the hills of Cannes and made myself an improvised ratatouille with what was left in the fridge. 

I’m back from the magical world that is Cannes Film Festival and that movie’s still in my mind. How subjective we humans can be to want to fit in, to feel loved, that we try anything.  

Mi Susi, la mia sorella italiana tells me, Karli, devi mangiare. Magra, ok, ma transparente, non! 

To be thin is ok, but translucid, not so much! 

Part of showing up is to be seen by first myself, then the world.

I cannot do that if I’m invisible. 

Mangia, Karlina, mangia. 

In my journey of loving all that I am, I’m making more of an effort to cook for myself, even if it’s simple. Like this morning, I had avocado, scrambled eggs and an arepa. (Gracias mis chamos @hectormanchego and @giancarloferrini for the tip on how to make arepas!)

I’m more comfortable in my own skin as I learn to appreciate all that I am, the good and the bad.