On Changes

Ages ago I wrote about feeling in a prison, caged up, unable to fly and live my life on my own terms. That post really shook me and for whatever reason was my last post in a while. Before you start looking for it, let me tell you that you will not find it here as a few months back I removed it. 

As most, if not all of my posts, this was very personal. Way too personal I would say. And after a while, I became aware of how much of myself I was exposing and was ashamed of feeling how I did at the time. You might think that to feel like that is crazy. After all, that is the point of a blog, especially this one. Every now and then I think of that post and wonder why I deleted it. 

And then I come back to the conclusion that yes, it probably was too personal and I wasn’t ready reveal that part of myself yet. Who knows, maybe one day I will post it as a #tbt of blogs when I’m ready. For now I will just keep going on where I left off last time, sort of. So yeah, that was a time when I was feeling very unhappy in a particular area of my life, to the point of it affecting my health and wellbeing. But I felt stuck, and kept pushing on the same direction.

But this week I have decided to let go of it and set a new path for myself. I would be lying if I said that I am not scared at all, or that it is all very clear and there is not a bi of uncertainty in my bones. I am a little, because it is a massive change and after a while of doing the same thing over and over again I had gotten used to this lifestyle I hated. However I am not negative. I am certain that I have made the right decision and feel even happier the more time goes by and I think about it. Now am I now open to all possibilities. 

This is the year for me to shine. A few friends have told me this at the beginning of this new Chinese year, the year of the Monkey. That this is the time for us Librans and that there will be massive changes happening. Back then, I just listened optimistic and hoping for that change, not knowing what it was about, how it would happen, or if it would actually happen at all. But here I am and it is all happening. I can’t yet say what exactly but it will all be revealed soon. 

The whole point of this is just to express gratitude in life itself, of opportunities and how challenges can really turn into blessings. I certainly consider my life blessed and have a long way to go. I was dead and I have revived. There are lots of cobwebs surrounding myself. 

But there is nothing more refreshing than to start over. So I’m up now, with no alarm clock. I’m grabbing the duster and removing the cobwebs of not only my shed, but my life as well.

I am now looking forward to a clean state of mind where I can finally be, me.