Swimming Through Dirty Oceans
Divorce. It’s bullshit. But you know what’s worse? To keep a marriage that doesn’t work. Here, take half, give me half, I deserve this much, you are hiding some more…etc. Uff, what a mess! Everyone ends up being affected in a situation that even though the search for who’s guilty is on, deep deep down, there’s none. Oh yeah, and the gossip, the accusations, the headaches, the heartaches, the nights without sleeping, they all linger on. And it becomes a never-ending story.
I wonder, what is the reason behind all this, if there is one. Obviously, someone had to fuck it up. But anyways, I again wonder, there is something that the other someone did, (or didn’t do) that made the first one to really fuck it up, or vice-versa. I repeat, NO ONE’S GUILTY. Nonetheless, it is just human nature to keep looking for them.
Who knows, and the Spanish singer José José well says in his song, “even beauty is tiring, love fades.” Ummm… but in what way. And many times, it doesn’t really matter to cry or not. What should be a relief turns out to be a burden. For everybody, even more so if there are children in between.
Oh, how it affects these children! It doesn’t matter how old they are, they are children before anything else. And there they are, each and everyone of them, on this boat that tries to remain afloat. Meanwhile, one of them gets sick, the other runs away from home…I only know that even though being 1000 km away from home, I don’t sleep. Imagine, Karlina Veras, daddy’s Linita… so many days without dreaming! And that’s my thing, to dream. Sleeping, daydreaming, dreaming nonetheless. To dream that there’s a little light at the end of the tunnel.
But we human beings are selfish creatures, whether we like it or not. I believe that it's a quality we acquired long ago from the Greek Gods. And trust me, this is not something I am proud of. There are no blue, violet, yellow or even red colours in my heart, only grey.
The sea, my long missed sea, remains blue… but different shades of it. And I, well… I try to swim in it. So here I am, swimming in the sea of my emotions. If any of you is swimming by my side, welcome! And if you feel like drowning, lean on me, don’t worry… I’m a good swimmer. One of the two could happen, either we remain afloat, keep swimming until we reach for some land, or we drown. Either way, is a risk I am willing to take, I can’t just leave you there.
Meanwhile I swim, missing so many people, so many things… but more than anything I miss my daddy. What to say, he’s My daddy. And I am his Linita. And family is family. That’s how I was raised.
I remain here, in my grey sky, missing my daddy’s deep blue eyes, my bright stars. And I only see them… In my dreams.
