Everlasting Doubts

As I sit here, covered in routine and mental boredom, and this is when I think of quitting. Is it all worth it? All the pain, anxiety, nights without sleep and all that for what? Or better yet, how badly do I want it that I am willing to carry on my life pursuing a dead dream? A dream that everyday is farther away, despite how many miles I’ve flown to get it, what I’ve done or who I’ve met. Sometimes it’s time to be realistic and think. Whatever. I’m done. The thing is that I know I’m not done. I’m just torn.

As I think, I choose; Not sure if it’s right. Only time will tell. It just takes too long. If I could only climb a stairway to clarity and stardome. If I could, I would. Hey it doesn’t come that easy. Life fades and blends. I want to blend in the sky with clouds and rain. With enough tears I probably will. I know I’m getting there.

I want to believe that it’s never too late. Yet my mind wanders and I shake, possibly faint and that’s when I bleed. I bleed but no one notices, not even myself. Maybe for the best. All maybes, never ending. Always here, never there. Alive, asleep who cares. In the end, it’s all the same.

Anyways,

Between all my doubts and insecurities one thing is for sure. I’m not done, I’m just changing direction.